Boxed In

The idea popped into Her head while discussing the struggles of finding new home insurance with Her husband.

“I don’t know what the park is going to do if we don’t find insurance soon,” He said, visibly defeated by the events of the past 6 years that led to that moment.

“Well, we could move in with your parents,” she suggested, trying to keep a positive outlook on the ever stressful situation. “Deirdre would love it, seeing your mom and aunt every day. They have two spare bedrooms and a basement.”

“That would be so embarrassing,” He groaned.

“A lot of people our age are moving back home. This isn’t 90s. Nobody in our situation can really afford truly independence anymore.”

He set his jaw and looked around the cluttered, ramshackle trailer.  “My dad would probably only charge us about $500 for rent,” He said, a hint of hope in his voice.

“We could start saving up money,” She added. “The worst would be having to listen to his political rants every day and your mom making me cook every night.”

She turned Her head to see a slender black cat jump onto the kitchen table beside Her. She reached over to stroke the mighty house panther on its cheek, startling it before it pressed its head into Her hand for more affection.

A thought suddenly hit Her, and She dropped Her head to the table in defeat. “Your mom would make us get rid of the cats,” She whispered. “The moment one of them claws the couch or if Mimi pees on something she shouldn’t, they’d have to go.”

She looked over at the tubby tortie sitting on the couch. Mimi had a tendency to piss on soft things left on the ground. Clothes, blankets, reusable grocery bags, even paper and plushies. It was a nuisance and at times brought Her to tears, but Mimi was Her soul cat, and She could never bring Herself to get rid of her for any reason. Besides, it was a good lesson in consequences and keeping a clean floor. The black cat, Boba, was the first cat that was truly Hers, and although Boba didn’t seem to particularly like Her, She still couldn’t just rehome her.

Her attention turned to Merry, the grumpy, sometimes downright mean old brindle dog She’d had for nearly 15 years. She was reaching the end of her life, and peed everywhere inside the house as her geriatric bladder started to give out. Merry hated other dogs, particularly large dogs like Her in-law’s black lab. Merry tolerated Boba and hated Mimi, and there was no telling how she’d interact with the in-laws’ cats. On top of that, everything set that dog off into barking fits that few people could tolerate. And just like with the cats, She refused to get rid of Her beloved angry old rescue dog.

“I’m not getting rid of my animals for any reason. I’d rather be homeless.”

An while later, another thought entered Her mind. She had seen two story sheds for sale online that looked like really houses. Some of them were the same size as the antique bungalows in Her father’s old neighborhood. It would be a tight squeeze, but it would be doable.

“Do you think they’d let us put one in their backyard?” She asked Him. “It would be a temporary building. We could move it after we find a place of our own.”

“Even if they did, I’m not sure how their civic association would feel about it,” He replied. In the past, He said the neighborhood’s civic association was a lot more lenient than a regular HOA, but putting a temporary house or an oversized shed on the property might be pushing their neighborly hospitality.

The simplest solution to their problem would have happened three and a half years prior, when the insurance company dropped them for non-payment. They should have started looking for insurance immediately, but the unfortunate series of events that led to the non-payment prevented them from finding new insurance. The park didn’t ask for proof of insurance in that time, and as a result, they put it on the back burner until they did.

They knew, when it all came down to it, that the situation was entirely their fault and responsibility, and the two insurance brokers who started looking for new insurance for them could only do so much.

He leaned against the counter and hung His head in defeat.

“Stressed?” She asked.

“Overwhelmed,” He sighed. “There’s so much shit we need to get done. Deep clean, get rid of shit, I need to practice before the next show.”

She stood up and hugged him. “You go practice. I’ll take care this.”

“But-“

“Go. Practice.”

Eventually, He relented and slinked away to the cramped spare room where He kept His instruments and computer and Her walking pad.

She made her way to the bedroom, intent on sorting the mountain of clothes that spilled out of the plastic drawers in the closet and onto the floor. She didn’t know what was clean and what was dirty anymore, and those flimsy plastic drawers had become Her worst enemy. They had been a good idea before they had a child. They fit nicely into the small walk-in closet. But they hadn’t held up well over the years, and they didn’t fit nearly as many clothes as She thought they would have.

Miraculously, Mimi hadn’t pissed on anything in the room in a couple of years. There was plenty there to piss on, but these days, Mimi seemed to target things that fell on the living room floor.

She sat on the bed and stared at the squalid bedroom. This was one generational curse She couldn’t break no matter what She did. It would take intense therapy and zombifying medications just to slap a bandaid on that defect, and She couldn’t afford either of those options.

Visions of two story sheds danced around Her burdened mind. She had seen one that looked like a miniature version of an abandoned farmhouse She and Her father had explored in Her youth. Another shed looked like the barn that sat behind it. She imagined their layouts and utilized Her years of experience building houses in The Sims to maximize the minimal space in each shed.

The mini farmhouse would have been the ideal option, with space to build additional rooms as time went on and their family (hopefully) grew. But the mini barn was idyllic. She saw a small plot of land with a little red and white barn style shed. A veggie garden took up half of the yard. A patio with enough seating for all of Her friends took up another portion. The rest was a yard of clover for the children to play in.

Realistically, She knew that they’d eventually get the insurance settled. They’d remain in the trailer park with the owners and managers breathing down their necks for the foreseeable future. The threat of eviction for the smallest infraction ever looming over their heads and the price of lot rent jumping by a hundred dollars every year until they can no longer afford it. 

And somehow, the idea of staying there felt worse.

Correction

My toddler would like me to issue an urge to correction regarding her 3D printed dragon:

“It’s not Watermelon, it’s SPIKY WATERMELON.”

I wish to issue an apology to Spiky Watermelon and her family, seen in the photo below. I did not mean to get your name wrong.

From left to right: Baby Unicorn, Mama Dog, Baby Dog, Gabby (Gabby’s Dollhouse,) Cup Of Tea (Mrs. Potts,) and Spiky Watermelon.

Friday Morning Word Vomit

It’s funny how, by the time the air starts to chill and the leaves start to fall, I completely forget how badly autumn and winter terrorize my struggling immune system. I always seem to forget the perpetual cold or flu that keeps me down about 80% of the season, remembering instead only the happy parts of the colder months. The hot drinks and warm sweaters, cuddling my husband in front of a fire, holidays, festivals, and markets. Then the first cold hits, and I have to break out my nebulizer because Covid ravaged my once healing lungs and I won’t survive the winter without my albuterol.

I think I’ll be lucky if I see 65 the way things are going.

I got a new job. Part-time. I don’t like it. Yes, it’s true, I don’t like to work. Or, at least, I don’t like to work the jobs society deems appropriate for someone like me. Lately I’ve been focusing more on my writing, and that’s how I want to make my living. I have this fantasy where my husband’s band gets signed, gets big, and I can spend my days raising my child and doing creative things in relative comfort.

It feels wrong to dream about it, mainly because I know that it’s not realistic or statistically likely to happen. Out of the millions of creatives around the world, what gives me the right to think I can make it? Sure, I could have a solid 15 minutes, after which I’d fade back into obscurity, back to retail, back to being chronically sick every winter because my body can’t handle constant human interaction like a normal body can.

I think what bothers me the most about that fantasy is that it feels like it has too much in common with the American individualist fantasy that paints the common blue-collar worker as a temporarily inconvenienced billionaire. If he just works harder, he can join that big club. He’s really one of them, you know. That’s why he doesn’t care about the homeless or the immigrant or the starving child. Their existence only drags him down.

I don’t have that mindset, but having my own fantasy about pulling my family out of poverty almost feels like a betrayal to others like me. Any time I find myself scheming up ways to get my daughter into the best school in the state because I want her to be safe and well educated, I recoil, disgusted with myself for even considering mingling with that lifestyle.

Lately, I’ve been feeling more confident. I’ve gotten it in my mind that maybe I can get all my stories done and published. I could make connections. I’ve found it mind-bogglingly easy to talk to certain people, something I’ve never been able to do before. I prefer friendships over career connections, but I know that’s how the world works, as much as I hate it.

Sometimes I think I’m dying, and I’m terrified I’ll die before I get any of my stories finished. I think about sitting down one day and writing out detailed plots and character sheets, just in case I croak. My family can pull a V.C. Andrews and live comfortably on whatever a ghostwriter pumps out. I’ve been posting finished (albeit rough and unedited) chapters of various stories on my VampFreaks (not, not VampireFreaks) blog before I post/publish them elsewhere. Just in case.

Anyway, I have to get ready for work. Another thing I forget I hate about this season is the emphasis on capitalism. The busier the closer the holidays get, the ruder the customers get. And when you work a retail job that involves big spenders, you’re further reminded why you hate the wealthy.

Eat the rich, y’all.

I put this in my drafts and forgot to publish it. It’s now Monday morning. 🤘🏻🤦🏻‍♀️

Thrift Shop Finds From My Camera Roll

Inspired by my first post of interesting thrift store/antique shop finds, here are some interesting things I found and didn’t buy over the years. Most for good reason.

I’m going to be completely honest, I’m not sure if I took this photo or not. I found it in my camera roll and it does look familiar. The shop it’s in looks like one I frequented about 10 years ago and the quality it on par with photos take on my old Samsung keyboard phone from roughly 12 years ago. If I did take this photo, I’m surprised I didn’t take the doll home.
This one confuses me. Is it a weird perspective or is she super short?
I now own 4 vintage black cat figurines, just not these.
It felt cursed.
Yikes on bikes! Sadly, this is probably the 5th Klan group photo I’ve found in my many years of antiquing.
He was delightfully whimsical and I regret not taking him home.
I’m also kicking myself for not adopting these terrible and wonderful Star Trek bears.
Pinwheels are for babies. Saw wheels are for men.
There was a strong weed aroma when I took the lid off.

I actually bought this one. We call him Heroin Dog.
Probably the coolest things I ever found at Goodwill, but at the time I didn’t think I would ever have kids.

Speaking of weebs, finding this brought a tear to my eye. I loved this comic as a teenager. I might go back and read it again.
I was heavily pregnant when we found this. We were about to take it home until we realized it was broken in multiple places. So sad.
I don’t know if this counts, but here are some shots from my favorite booth at the flea market in my hometown.
This came home with us.
1 – 31 – 07 Never forget 🇺🇸
I can’t imagine what kind of person keeps a framed picture of General Patton in their ho- my dad. My dad would keep a framed picture of General Patton in his home… He probably has one somewhere.

September Antique/Thrift Shop Finds

I used to go to antique shops almost every weekend. Even if I didn’t buy anything, it was just something that made me happy. Sadly, I don’t get out much anymore. I want to make it a habit to go at least once a month. So here are some weird and wonderful things I found at various antique and thrift shops.

No matter where you go, you’ll find at least one instance of blaringly obvious racism and/or microtransgressions.
The 50s was a wild decade. Is this supposed to be cute? Is it supposed to look like any one Mouseketeer in particular? If so, girl, you should sue.
I like this duck. I like him a lot.
He would currently be mine if I had the money and the space for him. I hope he goes to a good home.
Found in a box of Littlest Pet Shop toys. It is cursed.
Poor little Palkie doll. The tag had the word restored in quotes.
It’s painted with acrylic paint.